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This is article 85 in the series of  “100Voices4Men and boys”.
It is based on a talk delivered by Mark Brooks of the The Mankind Initiative at the Second National Conference for Men and Boys in Brighton in 2012.

Everyone who works in the “men’s sector” knows there are many areas of life where men and boys face inequality—health, education, homelessness, criminal justice, suicide rates, crime and violence to name but a few.

Yet the quest to make our voice heard seems impossible at times. It is almost as if male inequality is invisible and when it is known, those with power do not little or nothing to address or recognise it.

The government’s new gender equality survey is a case in point where one gender does not seem to be included. Men’s issues were notable by their absence from the recent party political conferences where none of the fringe meetings at the three main parties tackled male-related issues – there were plenty on female related issues which is not a problem, but none on men’s issues.

There is no public voice on male victims, the political class are not interested, so we have to speak up ourselves.

But none of us should rely on others to make the case, to make a noise and create the solutions, we have to do it ourselves. This applies to all men and women who are concerned with the issues that face men and boys, for whatever reason. Those of us who men’s charities must help and encourage others to speak out.

So why is no one paying enough attention to what can we as campaigners, supporters and service providers do more?

Take three issues (of many) from cradle to the grave:
Education: Boys continue to fall way behind girls at every level of education – 8.8 percentage points behind girls at GCSE and 333,000 women applied for university places to start this month against 246,000 boys. On the latter, we can already see the outcome when it comes to the numbers entering the professions.
But who in the government or the education establishment is actually seriously talking about it or doing anything of substance and scale to tackle it?

Homelessness: No one debates or discusses homelessness as a largely male issue (Crisis say 84% of single homeless people are men), and who is providing the solution on why men are more prevalent to be homeless than women, and what are the solutions for both genders. Is Homelessness not on the agenda because it is male issue?

Suicide: The last area is suicide and we know that 77% of all suicides are male with 4,590 men committing suicide in 2012. Yet there is political silence on the issue. CALM are doing a great job at raising the issue and it is about time the government listened more. Why is not at the top of the political agenda?
So what to do? Outlined below is a brief 12 point plan – which I outlined at the National Men and Boys conference two years ago. More detail of course is needed, but it is a start and I hope to do more work on it over the next year. Much may be granny sucking eggs so forgive me, if so.

(1)           Provide and create solutions: We can’t be just ‘keyboard warriors’ and campaigners, we have to set up charities and organisations that provide services to support men and boys. To solve the need for support services ourselves. We have to campaign, complain and create. Lead by example. Don’t rely on others. The brilliant Working for Men is an example to us all.

(2)           Use of the language of the public sector: Like any institution it has its own language and codes. To get in the tent there is a need to use the language of the public sector and use it to our advantage by showing that services need to be provided for men and boys. It then becomes even more powerful. The term ‘equality’ and ‘based on need’ are such powerful tools. It is why I refer to the work we do as being equality and needs based, not rights based.

(3)           Strike the right tone: Sadly people only take in 20% of what you say, but 80% of how you say it. As someone from Sahf Eest Lahndan I understand it acutely. And tone is important – be positive, be charming and rightly be supportive of the good work that supports women and girls. Confrontation only works in certain rare circumstances.

(4)           Include women in the solutions, stories and examples: The gender of the people who advocate for men and boys should not matter, but it does. Fighting for equality, recognition and services for men and boys in a ‘sector’ that is dominated by women and is 90% focussed on women (the only focus on men is often because ‘men are the problem’) means having female voices advocating for men and boys is very powerful. It often produces a ‘double take reaction’ and even our charity manager has been questioned about why she is involved at the ManKind Initiative. Erin Pizzey, Jane Powell and Karen Woodall are brilliant examples of women advocating for men.

On the public story front, also use examples which will resonate with the sectors’ ears. As part of my domestic abuse narrative I always try to include mothers and sisters of male victims, and of course, a victim’s daughters.

(5)           Case studies: As a PR man, facts and campaign slogans are one thing but nothing brings a story or campaign to life better than real life examples. They are also brilliant for challenging those who oppose support for what you are campaigning for especially if there is a female element to the case study. If this week I get challenged about male victims I will point people to this story.

(6)           Use the laws we have: This could be a book in itself, but there are two vital pieces of legislation in the equality campaigner’s toolkit.

The first is the Equality Act 2010 which in a nutshell means that all public bodies have to end discrimination against those with protected characteristics (gender being one) and how different people will be affected by their activities. The Act helps them to deliver policies and services to meet the needs of those with protected characteristics. This means, under the Public Sector Equality Duty which forms part of this law, councils, police forces, the health service etc have to ensure they support men and boys not only in a general sense but also is a specific sense if there is a male-centric need. For example, ensuring domestic abuse services support men as well as women or the local health service runs campaigns about prostate cancer. Quote this law and the Duty at every opportunity when fighting for services and recognition.

The second piece is the Freedom of Information Act 2000 which is more of a tool to use for the above. This act means you can ask public bodies for statistics, information and research (and a whole lot more) to support your cause. We at ManKind, use it to obtain the number of male victims reporting to different police forces each year and also used it to find out who had won funding from the Home Office for male domestic abuse services – and also who didn’t win and why they didn’t.

Just on facts and FOI, the more local the information the better and do not ask for too much detail because your request can be refused for being too costly.

(7)           Do not get dragged into debates about feminism: Another chapter for another book, but there are two reasons why this important. Firstly, you are fighting for something tangible, a service or a campaign, you are not fighting against what is essentially a concept/belief system. Secondly, you will get distracted, getting taken down blind alleys and run the risk of alienating people who could and are allies. Do not be defined by other people’s belief systems, be defined by the fact that you want to support men and boys.

(8)           Support each other: Collaboration between charities supporting men in my mind is weak. It is primarily driven by the fact we are all so underfunded our focus is on survival and service provision (Refuge have recently advertised for a woman-only senior communications manager whose salary is higher than the Mankind Initiative’s annual turnover) but also some is territorial. I don’t understand the latter but we do need to collaborate. A good example is on International Men’s Day, for the second year running I have contacted men’s organisations to see if they will “lend us their logo” so we can say they support the aims of International Men’s Day – only a few have and some significant charities (who will be nameless) have not. Why?

So we need to speak to each other more, form joint campaigns/services and also provide a listening and helpful ear. We are all in it together.

(9)           Reverse the genders: This a classic tactic that must be used shamelessly and one advocated powerfully in Neil Lyndon’s seminal No More Sex War.   Reversing the genders brings out in an understandable fashion the barriers, hypocrisy and discrimination men and boys face and the need for support and services for them – boys dying because of botched circumcisions is one example. Also it can be used in a devastating affect as a campaign tool.

(10)       Keep calm, do not show frustration and do not to be provoked by men-haters: We know we feel we are pushing water uphill and there are those who want us to fail – some for ideological reasons, some because they fear funding being switched and some simply because they don’t like men. Rise above it.

(11)       Never advocate for funding to be cut from women’s services and given to men: This if from a moral and practical perspective. If we believe in equality of support for those in need which is why we are campaigners and service providers, then morally because women do have problems to fix, we shouldn’t want to see funding switched. If you advocate that position, then no matter what you say, no one will be listening and rightly so. It is also always worth setting that context for this upfront – it clears the air and sets a reassuring framework for you to work within.

(12)       Do not sell out – for money, influence or anything: So you get the government or state funding, you start to grow your services, you get comfortable and then an issue breaks or you see that something is not working. Your natural instinct is to speak out on behalf of your beneficiaries but you know it may damage your relationship with your funders. If you hesitate, blink or stay silent – you have sold out. Don’t!

Welcome to International Men’s Day UK
International Men’s Day in the UK on Wednesday 19 November 2014 is a fantastic opportunity for you to:

Have some serious fun
Highlight some serious issues
Celebrate Britain’s men and boys in all their hairy diversity
The theme for 2014 is “Working Together For Men and Boys”

Each year, the event grows in the UK and there were lots of events and news from 2013’s event and also in 2012 and 2011.

International Men’s Day (IMD) is a global day of observance held every year in more than 60 countries around the globe.

In the UK, each year more and more organisations are taking part from charities, public sector organisations, private companies, celebrities and men, women and children the length and breadth of the country.

IMD is a global grassroots movement that invites every man, woman, girl and boy in the world to come together and celebrate men and boys in all their diversity.

As a day of observance IMD places its focus on that which unites humanity – giving everyone who wants to celebrate International Men’s Day the opportunity to help work towards IMD’s shared objectives which are applied equally to men and boys irrespective of their age, ability, social background, ethnicity, sexuality, gender identity, religious belief and relationship status.

Those objectives are:

To promote male role models
To celebrate the contribution that men make
To focus on men’s health and wellbeing
To highlight discrimination against men the inequalities that men and boys face
To improve gender relations and promote gender equality
To create a safer world for everyone
We trust that you will find the information on our website valuable in spurring you into celebrating the role men and boys have, highlighting the barriers they face and have some serious fun. Click here:  http://ukmensday.org.uk/

Glen, Mark and Tony

I am reposting below an important post from the KAREN WOODALL blog
which clearly demonstrates the bias against boys that currently exists in
our fractured education system in the UK.

If you wish to read more of the blog then go to:  http://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/

It is with alarm that I read the latest bulletin from the End Violence Against Women and Girls Coalition – a group of ardent feminist organisations which unashamedly uphold the notion that boys are disproportionately advantaged by virtue of their gender. Proclaiming the support of the Education Secretary, it would appear that EVAWGC’s plan is to shoe horn into the curriculum, additional education for children as young as 11 on issues of rape, pornography and domestic violence (amongst other issues considered by the Coalition to be gender specific). This ‘fact’ sheet, it is headlined, is designed to fill in the gaps in sex education and is backed by the Department for Eduction. Does anyone else find it terrifying that our boys, already behind in performance in class, entry to University, health and wellbeing, lifespan, exposure to violence in the home and outside of it, are about to brainwashed into believing that their life experience is inherently advantaged in comparison to girls? Here’s a few choice points from the fact sheet on the reasons why such an approach is needed.

A whole school approach, including comprehensive SRE teaching as part of PSHE, is needed to support young people and prevent abuse through:

 Challenging notions of male sexual entitlement;

 Preventing abusive attitudes and behaviours being reproduced and taking root;

 Unpicking harmful stereotypes that place responsibility on girls to protect themselves from violence and abuse;

 Addressing the gendered environment in which young people form attitudes and behaviours and navigate relationships;

 And acknowledging the scale of violence against women and girls.

The rest of the document relies upon research which has been disproved in some areas, which is assertion in others and which is set in framework of feminist analysis of women and girls being victims of men and boys. This clearly political context is potentially about to be fed to our children, clearly attempting to diminish boys’ developing sense of self and sexuality whilst enhancing girls’ beliefs that they are entitled to live in a world in which boys will behave as women tell them to. Inculcating our already challenged boys with a sense of shame is not what I call education. I will be writing to the Schools Minister on Monday morning to object to this and asking her to listen to people like Glen Poole from Equality4Men, (the global campaign for men and boys) – about the issues facing boys in schools. And how a real gender equality strategy, in which girls and boys learn together the importance of self care and mutual respect within a framework of balanced not biased facts, would change children’s lives for the better based on truth not a women’s rights agenda. I suggest you do the same.

The Rt Hon Nicky Morgan MP

House of Commons

London

SW1A 0AA

nicky.morgan.mp@parliament.uk

ERIN PIZZEY, THE WOMAN WHO OPENED THE FIRST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE REFUGE IN THE UK, WRITES HONESTLY ABOUT THE RAW DEAL THAT MALE VICTIMS ARE GETTING.

This is a quote from The Telegraph of 6th August 2014

The situation for women’s refuges is desperate – but we need to start admitting men, too
A new report states that the mass closure of safe houses for the victims of domestic abuse is at a crisis point, with many being forced to close because they don’t admit men

My work has always been based on the fact that the majority of women and children coming into a refuge are very badly damaged by family violence. But the violence is not always perpetrated by men. Of the first 100 women who came into my refuge, Chiswick Women’s Aid, which was the world’s first when it opened in 1971, 62 were as violent – and some more violent – than the partners they left behind.

I explained my concept of care for victims of violence-prone families in a book called ‘Prone to Violence’ in 1976. It came out to massive demonstrations and picketing from other women’s refuges that are mainly driven by feminist ideology – in other words, all women are innocent victims of men’s violence.

Today, many of these organisations do not welcome men into their refuges. Often boys over the age of 12 – and sometimes as young as nine – are not allowed in too, so their mothers have to make other arrangements.
These organisations receive a great deal of Government funding, yet they will spend none of that money on rehabilitating violent women. In their view, there is no such thing as a violent woman. As far as I’m concerned, the radical feminist movement has fraudulently misused taxpayers money to fund their movement at the expense of very vulnerable women and children.

I was a child of violent parents, and it was my vision that there was a place – and places – for both men and women with children to break that cycle. Alas this is not what happened. A very cynical political ideology based on funding the feminist movement took over the whole discussion on violence in the family.

I am desperately upset and worried because family violence is a generational problem, and we can only take steps to stop child abuse if we are willing to reach out and help the parents.

What agencies have always done is to remove the children from the violent mothers thereby compounding the problem. Knowing the damage done to the child in removing it from its biological parents – with the exception of extremely dangerous situations – I was able to rehabilitate mothers and children together over long periods of time. I developed not only the crisis refuge, but also second-stage housing where very vulnerable women and children shared accommodation for two or three years before they then moved back into the community.

No country can leave violent families untreated because over the years they create this huge underclass that I can now see across the western world. The children of these families have no chance. Generational violence in the end destroys not only families but societies.

In 1874, Frances Power Cobb wrote a paper called ‘Wife torture in Britain’. When Disraeli read the paper he wept and promised there would be an enquiry. There was an enquiry – and then nothing happened until I open the refuge in 1971.

Imagine my feelings as I now fear that this is what will happen again.

On 30th June Tamara Rajakariar wrote this interesting piece on the Family Edge site. It clearly gives the lie to the commonly held view that all men want to do is to father children and then leave the mother to bring them up. Far from it! Read on:

“It’s common knowledge that women are too often valued only for the way they look or the pleasure their bodies can give, which means that the recognition of other talents and abilities falls to the wayside. But we sometimes forget that men are often underestimated too – when it comes to parenting.
You see, popular culture tends to focus on that fact that men are hardwired for sex: that the only part of fatherhood they contribute to is the baby-making, and that they meet the prospect of paternity with wide-eyed gulping, sweaty-hand wringing and nervous stammering. Well don’t worry boys, because research shows that you are also hardwired for fatherhood, as reported by The Blog of The Institute for Family Studies.
The report, co-published by IAV, Center of the American Experiment, shows that fatherhood changes a man’s brain to equip him with parenting skills. Testosterone levels drop for more responsive parenting, problem-solving abilities and protective instincts are enhanced, and a growth in boldness occurs.
Another nice fact is that paternal qualities complement maternal qualities: for example, dads are more likely to engage in competitive rough-and-tumble play while mums would more likely use play to teach or let their child win – both of which are important for healthy development.
I think this information is great. We too often assume that guys think of fatherhood as just an inevitable hardship that’s somewhere down the years. Yes, it will be hard work and long hours and more selfless living, but there are many guys out there who can’t wait to accept this challenge (or already have!) and reap the beautiful parenting moments that come with it. After all, looks like being good at the job is in their DNA!”

Quote: I’m starting to wonder if many of us need to find a better drum to beat than the one that blames men for our problems. – Natalie Barr

 

In a forthright and honest article in the Daily Telegraph (Sydney) in March 2014 Natalie Barr shows that the “glass ceiling” is a total myth as the following quotes from her article show:

“Am I the only woman who’s not angry at men? I’m a woman and I have never felt discriminated against. There. I’ve said it.

I’m not angry at men. I can’t remember being passed over for a promotion because of a man and I have never felt undervalued ­because I’m a woman.

I went to a co-ed country Catholic school and the boys were my mates. Just like the girls. Maybe that’s where it started – my view that I was just as good as the opposite sex.

No one ever told me I wasn’t. And they still haven’t.

That doesn’t mean by any stretch that I’ve been positive and confident and happy every day of my life. It just means I don’t blame men for my troubles.

When I was 20 I missed out on a cadetship at the ABC, but I didn’t for a second think it was because I was a girl.

I just had no bloody idea what I was doing; and they could tell. . .
. . . I worked overseas for a few years and, of this ­December, I’ll have been at Channel Seven for 20 years.

For nearly half that time I was a reporter for the 6pm news. I started off doing very low profile stories, because I was a pretty inexperienced journalist.

I don’t remember the other junior male reporters being given better stories than me.

They were learning too. Some days I got a good story, other days the boys did. They were the days where the producer yelled at you if you stuffed up a story, and I can tell you it was ­definitely equal opportunity yelling. . . .
. . . In the past few weeks though, I’ve felt that there has been a growing tide of women attacking men in general.

I’m starting to wonder if many of us need to find a better drum to beat than the one that blames men for most of our problems.

Isn’t it about time we took some ownership?

If a man got the job ahead of you, was it because he was better?

That can’t be impossible … can it?

Should we be brutally honest with ourselves and ask if we need to change the way we approach things?

I just don’t think “us” against “them” helps anybody in the long run.”

 

What a refreshingly honest and rare piece of writing. I expect Natalie Barr will be the object of a lot of criticism by other women who haven’t made the grade when in competition with men. Some women are prepared to blame anyone but themselves for their own incompetence. It’s time women grew up and took responsibility for their own actions.

American poll reveals the truth about violent women

In the past, if ever you heard about or read about domestic violence it was always assumed that the victim was female and the perpetrator was male. Whenever the subject was mentioned in TV newscasts in the UK or discussed in the Welsh Assembly this was certain to be the case.

Frankly they just got it WRONG. In a survey of 11,000 men and women in America of ages 18 to 28 the following questions were asked:

1. How often in the past year have you threatened your partner with violence, pushed him or her, or thrown something at him or her that could hurt, and how often has your partner done that to you?

2. How often in the past year have you hit, slapped or kicked your partner, and how often has your partner done that to you?

3. If there has been any violence in your relationship, how often has either partner suffered any injury, such as a sprain bruise or cut?

28% of women and 10% of men admitted there was some violence in their relationship. Women admitted perpetrating 25% of the violence and the men admitted perpetrating 11%.

According to both men and women 50% of the violence was reciprocal but the women admitted to being the first to strike.

When both partners were involved men were more likely to inflict injury – 29% by men and 19% by women.

When the violence was by one partner both men and women said that women were the perpetrators 70% of the time. Men were most likely to be injured 25% of the time and women were injured 20% of the time.
It really is time that the media dragged themselves into the twenty-first century and realised just how violent women are.

GREAT MANKIND VIDEO SHOWS THAT

VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS NOT ACCEPTABLE

BUT

VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN IS

The leading UK men’s charity, ManKind, has a very effective video on YouTube which clearly shows how little the public knows about domestic violence. And it’s not only the public which are ignorant of the facts; legislative bodies such as the Welsh Assembly are also ignorant of the true facts; either that or they are totally biased against men. The BBC is another culprit which only ever depicts domestic violence against women. The best treatment men get by the BBC after a long diatribe against men who perpetrate violence against women is a few words at the end such as “men can also suffer domestic violence”.

THE BBC HAVE NEVER YET STATED THAT 40% OF THE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ARE MEN.

All the true facts and figures about domestic violence can be found by visiting the ManKind website at:  

http://www.mankind.org.uk/

The YouTube video shows an actor and an actress in two acts of domestic violence. The first scenario shows a young man yelling at his defensive girlfriend and starts pushing her around. Members of the public, especially women,  in the vicinity immediately begin to take notice and several approach the man and tell him to stop abusing his girlfriend. In another scenario the same two people act out the opposite scenario where it’s the girlfriend who is the abuser. She yells at her boyfriend and starts pushing him around. NOT ONE member of the public tries to intervene; in fact some just smile as they watch. Clearly they are prepared to accept the situation.

These reactions clearly demonstrate how indifferent the general public are to the plight of male victims of domestic abuse.

YOU CAN VIEW THE YOUTUBE VIDEO BY GOING HERE:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3PgH86OyEM

 On a number of postings on this blog I have reiterated the fact that men are treated as second-class citizens when it comes to being the victims of domestic abuse etc. Women who abuse men and boys seldom have to answer for their crimes, and when they do, they are given derisory sentences.

 The Welsh Assembly Government is, at the moment, planning legislation to stop “domestic abuse against women and girls”; obviously they just don’t care about the 40% who are male victims.

 This quote from an article by Ally Fogg in the Independent shows that AT LAST the UK Government admits the problem and is doing something about it by setting up a fund to help.

 

 “The significance is not in the sum of money. While £500,000 is more than welcome, and will make a huge difference to the funded organisations and their clients, nobody would pretend it can do more than scrape at the scale of a problem which impacts an estimated 72,000 new adult victims every year and untold numbers of children. 

 “Nor does the significance lie in acknowledgement of the problem – charities have previously been funded for limited work with male victims, and in the light of historic sex abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic church and social service care homes, no one can plead ignorance as to the extent of horrors involved. . .

 “The historic significance of today’s announcement is that it marks the first time that a British government of any stripe has ringfenced any quantity of victim support funding specifically to help men and boys. It may only be half a million quid, but it is a priceless milestone. . .

“This has consequences for male victims which go far beyond access to funding and resources. The voices and views of male victims are often excluded from debates about the investigation and prosecution of sexual crimes, despite considerable evidence to show there are specific and complex issues around men’s and boys’ willingness to report and testify. Debates around cultures of victim-blaming often focus exclusively on women’s supposed behaviour or appearance, almost never on men’s sexuality, despite extensive evidence that male victims, just like female victims, are commonly assumed to have been ‘asking for it.’ “

 

The UK charity, ManKind Initiative, consistently produces figures on its website-   

http://www.mankind.org.uk   – showing the numbers of men and boys who suffer domestic abuse and who are consistently short-changed by an uncaring government, the feminist-run BBC and many sections of the media.

But men have now had enough and are standing up to be counted. Various men’s organisations are arising all over the UK with the aim of getting equal treatment for men. The forthcoming EU elections will, without doubt send shockwaves through the UK as UKIP members will be elected to that body which is way past its sell-by date.

Welsh men will doubtless be looking forward to the next election for the Assembly; it will be a glorious chance to get rid of Assembly members who are currently ignoring the plight of men. And the men in the whole of the UK will be keen to replace many MPs now sitting in Parliament when the 2015 election takes place. The Half a million pounds referred to above won’t get them off the hook; they’ll have to do a lot better than that.

The myth that women are gentle, kind and helpful creatures received yet another body blow today as a UK judge sentenced 32-year-old Joanna Dennehy to life in prison for the murder of three men and the attempted murder of two others.

She laughed as the judge described her vicious, sadomasochistic desires, but when he told her she would die in prison because of her sadistic lust for blood she wailed as she was taken down to the cells of the Old Bailey.

The British press has compared her with serial killers like Rosemary West who killed 10 victims and possibly more, Aileen Wuornos who killed eight, Andrea Yates who killed five, the nurse Beverly Allit who killed four, and other like them.

Recently in the UK there has been a spate of killings by mothers who have killed their own children. In March last year a German mother got away with a sentence of only nine years after killing five of her own children.

For the past half a century women in the UK have been treated leniently by the courts as they have offered all sorts of reasons for their violence, and been leniently dealt with by judges. The British Home Office has admitted that men serve sentences one-third longer than women for committing the same offence.

We must hope that judges are finally getting the picture. For years women have been asking for “equality”. We must hope that they will get it for their crimes.