Politicians and the media seem to inhabit a tight little world of their own with their own particular agendas which are totally unrelated to reality and the lives of ordinary people. Because the number of people getting married is declining, politicians and the media take the view that marriage is therefore unpopular. You could equally say that because not many people are buying Rolls Royce cars, they are becoming unpopular. Doubtless many people would like to own a Rolls Royce, but they can’t afford it! The following quotations from the Civitas report proves that it’s the same with marriage.

 

Marriage in modern Britain: out of reach, not out of fashion 

A new report from Civitas, (the independent social policy think-tank) ‘Second Thoughts on the Family’, finds marriage to be more popular than ever – but a luxury beyond the reach of the poor

Overwhelming majority of Britons want to marry

Defying the idea that marriage is dead, a new Civitas/Ipsos Mori survey of 1,560 young people reveals that the overwhelming majority want to get married:

Marriage: fit for purpose in 21st century Britain

• A nationally representative sample of 20-35 year-olds shows that seven in ten want to marry
• Cohabitation has NOT replaced marriage: nearly eight in ten (79 per cent) of those cohabiting want to marry
• The number one reason why young people want to marry is to make a commitment (47 per cent)
• Just two per cent want to marry for tax reasons
• Less than one per cent think that marriage jeopardises equality between men and women.

Declining marriage rates are seen as a sign of the death of marriage, but the evidence that the majority still want to marry, despite it no longer being socially ‘necessary’, shows that marriage is in fact more popular than ever. In a secular, liberal society such as 21st century Britain, marriage has become a choice – which research shows most people want to make.

People don’t have to marry – they want to

‘In the past people had to marry,’ comments Anastasia de Waal, author of the report and Head of Family and Education at Civitas, ‘today people want to.’ However, family patterns shown in the last Census and Millennium Cohort Study reveal that marriage is out of reach for Britain’s poorest.

• Policy makers out of touch

Both the Conservatives and Labour assume that those people not living in married two-parent families are simply choosing not to. The Conservative Party therefore believes that the two-parent family needs promoting by financial incentives to marry, while Labour, has adopted a ‘neutral’ position in which family structure doesn’t matter. Both parties are out of touch with reality:

• Marriage doesn’t need incentivising. Most people already want to marry – research shows that more employment, not tax-breaks, will enable them to. Pressurising people to marry will not stabilise the family in the absence of the circumstances conducive to commitment. Marriage signals, rather than generates, commitment.
• Structure should matter to Labour. Owing to economic obstacles, people who are poor and unemployed are considerably more likely to be unmarried and separated.

Labour must recognise the significance of family structure

Labour’s misjudged resistance to acknowledging the importance of family structure is undermining its equalising agenda, perpetuating inequality between both the classes and the sexes. 

• Child poverty is a central priority for Labour, yet the government is failing to acknowledge the circumstances giving rise to parental separation and subsequent single parenthood. 
• A child born to cohabiting parents is nearly twice as likely to see his/her parents break-up before his/her sixteenth birthday than a child born to married parents. The unmarried parent is therefore more likely to become the single parent. 
• Labour must finally tackle the issue of NEETs – young people not in education, employment and training – which is exacerbating family poverty. Almost a fifth of school leavers today are unemployed, a 15 per cent rise in the last ten years. The effect on families is an increased risk that young women and men enter into parenthood in unstable circumstances. 
•  One of the main reasons that the children of separated families are more likely to suffer difficulties is because the two-parent structure in terms of responsibility – the dual-parenting – breaks down. 
• Labour’s treatment of fathers as ‘optional extras’ is exacerbating difficulties for women and children. Whilst the aim has been to be non-judgemental to mothers and children in separated families, in reality the effect has been to legitimise irresponsible fathers.

Policy recommendations

The current emphasis on women in every area of policy affecting the family should be reformed in favour of equal responsibility. Family policy must include men, starting from childcare to the position that even if the relationship between adults ends, the responsibilities towards children don’t.

Set against this evidence is the “marriage strike” by men. The policy recommendation in the above paragraph is significant. As marriage is a partnership one would assume that both men and women would get equal treatment under the law. Sadly, such is not the case, and with Harriet Harman being responsible for “equality”, what hope is there?

It’s not that men don’t want to get married. They do. But as they invariably get such a rough deal in UK divorce courts and the secret family courts, their reluctance to commit is undertstandable and the best deal many are prepared to offer a woman today is co-habitation. The average co-habitation in the UK today lasts 14 months as opposed to the average marriage which lasts 14 years.

Obviously another way of saving our society is for the government to implement to Civitas recommendation above. They say they are listening. So let’s see some action!